A Catchy Ditty: What!?!

I usually try to to talk to my kids when we're driving.  BUT!  I happened to have the radio on the other day.  A catchy song came on that I recognized from American Idol. 

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

The radio wasn't very loud and I didn't turn it off.

On our way to church this week I heard my 7-year-old, Dani, singing a lovely little ditty.

I'll make a grenade for ya.  I'll take it away from ya.

"That's not how it goes." pipes 5-year-old, Evie.  It's like this,

I take a blade for ya.

What!?!

And here's where I made my second vital error.  I say, "Enough with that song guys.  Do you even know what a grenade is?"

"Ya, Mom.  It explodes. " says Dani.

I then, unfortunately, attempted to make the song sound more reasonable.  "In the song, he's trying to explain that he would do anything for this girl.  He isn't actually going to take a grenade for her."

This silences my young musicians.  Then, I am relieved to hear Dani begin a new song.

Twinkle, twinkle, little...grenade.

Grumpy Mom Goal of the Year:  Know when to turn my radio (and my mouth) off.

The Highs and Lows of Hunting

We, with a bit of trepidation, made our way to our city's annual Easter egg (mostly candy) hunt.   So did everyone else.  My husband went off with my older girls.  I helped Mase and Dax.

The toddler area was at least five people deep, around a small square of candy filled grass.  We were in the middle of the crowd when the sirens went off.  The people in front thought it would be an excellent idea to pick up candy exactly where the were standing.  It's possible I might have unintentionally injured someone as the masses pushed forward.   Luckily, no ambulances were called.

 It was all worth it in the end--Dax was in lollipop bliss! 

After the hunt, my kids wanted to see the Easter Bunny, but he was swarmed and a little scary looking.  Instead, we settled for a visit to a lonely Easter dragon.   I thought he was adorable!  My children were also thrilled, as you can see. 

Our family hunt was much less crowded, just us.  After my previous chocolate overload and my children's Saturday sugar rush I went a healthier route and filled the plastic eggs with cereal and graham cracker bunnies.  And, I was very proud of my budget conscious self.  I recycled some of last year's Easter themed gifts.  I didn't think anyone would notice.

Dani: "Hey, we got the same wind-up bunny last year."
Me: "Really?  The Easter Bunny must really like those."
Dani: "It's not working.  The wind-up bunny we got last year didn't work either."
Me: "Whoa.  What are the chances of that?"

I think they're on to me.

Grateful Mom Goal of the Day: Counting my kid-filled blessings.

Dance Competition Hair Debacle

Some moms are cut out for the big leagues.  I am not.

I took my daughter (now 7) out of gymnastics and put her in dance this year.  It seemed like a great choice.  The studio was in my neighborhood and the price was not too pricey.

She had her first of two yearly competitions this weekend.  Much to my detail incompetent dismay, the directions for hair styling were quite specific, but, apparently, not specific enough.  Here is a small portion:

Please put bangs in a front small poof, with crossed bobby pins to secure it.  My daughter does not have bangs, so I just thought I would put all her hair back in the required pony tail and skip the poof. We attempted the poofless style at dress rehearsal.  I was then sent a charming email informing me, "it is not a matter of short or long bangs, all girls need to have 100% matching hairstyles." Whoops.

My daughter's hair (post-poof)

Then, the directions precisely stated, rhinestone ponytail holder is required to be worn over hair elastic, at all performances.  How was I to know I needed to pre-order the ponytail holder.  I just assumed it came with the costume.

When my daughter mentioned that everyone got a holder, except her, I inquired about it.  I was then told I should have noticed the rhinestone holder in the order form they sent home (that I threw away) and now needed to look for one myself.  It's possible I was just a bit unhelpfully snappy back.

After calling and searching online for close to an hour, I finally found an exact match.  The price was $16 for 1 holder, but only $4, per holder, if I bought 12.  That's right.  I   I bought 12.  Guess what all of my daughter's friends will be getting for their birthdays?  A cheap purse with a lovely rhinestone ponytail holder.

Finally, as if to foil me again, an additional detail was added.  My daughter brought home a sparkly hair flower the week before the competition.  We were also given a checkoff list, specifically reminding us to remember all hair accessories.  I was focused.  I had the hairspray, gel, bobby pins, elastics, and I brought 3 rhinestone ponytail holders, just in case.  But, sadly, when it was time to preform, the flower was still at my house. I will not go into the aftermath of this mistake, as it would be too traumatic to recount.

Maybe I should put my daughter in something that is easier for me, knitting perhaps.

Grumpy Mom Goal of the Day:  I will try to have a better attitude about the details of dance.

Biting Baby Blunder

I knew better.  I made a treacherous parenting error last week and I'm now paying for my unfortunate choice.

My 13-month-old, Dax, has become a jovial little dude.  He loves being playful.  Sometimes, he gets a bit too playful and bites.  I usually give him a stern look and say, "No bite."

Last week, I messed up.  I was wrestling him on the floor and he harmlessly bit my shirt.  Then, he just hung on to my shirt with his teeth and a big smile.  I knew I shouldn't laugh, but it just struck my funny bone and I couldn't help myself.  Oh, that I could turn back time.

I now have a full blown happy biter.  He's not an intentional chomper.  (I've had one of those too).  My guy only bites for the amusement of himself and others.  Dax aims for the clothing, but is not always so successful with his good intentions.  Ouch!

No hug is safe.  Every cuddle is now a risk.  He is a danger, mostly to me. 

At church, this Sunday, there was a well-meaning family, sitting in the row behind us.   I was holding Dax while the daughter and mom were playing peek-a-boo with him--his ultimate favorite!

He was so excited, he couldn't control himself.  He kept chuckling and biting my sweater and ME!  I stayed quiet--it was church after all.  I don't think his playmates had any idea he was actually injuring me.

Finally, the break I'd been waiting for!  My 2-year-old started acting up, loudly making demands for water during a prayer--I've never been so grateful for my unruly child!  I quickly and quietly asked my husband to take my toddler out in the hall and "Um honey, can you take the baby too?"  Phew.

I've been stepping up my sternness this week, but Dax only laughs at me.  I think my harshness is entertaining to him.  I know this phase will pass, hopefully soon, but, by that time, I may be scarred for life.

Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  I'm staying-ON GUARD-while still appreciating all dangerous snuggles.

Mommy Weekend Rejuvination

I'm finding that my life, as a mom, is not so glamorous, but I did get away this weekend.

Saturday, I giddily got dressed, kissed my family goodbye, and headed to my peace-filled, budget conscious, morning adventure---the Walmart Supercenter.   Yes, this was the highlight of my week and I am not ashamed.

I glide through the streets in my asthmatic minivan and crank up the music.   I arrive and take a parking space much farther than usual; this could be the only real exercise I get all day.

I grab a shopping cart and get a little risky; I don't even wipe it down with a sanitary wipe!  Cruising through the isles, I fondly remember just how lucky I am.  Visions of my children are everywhere.

I recall Dani, a few years back, throwing an amazing tantrum in the produce section.  Oh, and Evie picking up the one apple that started a fruit avalanche.   Ah Mase, it was just last month that he was temporarily misplaced while playing hide and seek in the clothing department.   Finally, the baby: I honestly didn't notice he had eaten the entire box top of toothpaste until I checked out.

Loving thoughts of my family continue to fill my heart.  How easy it is to appreciate my dear ones when they are 5 miles away. 

Then!  The emergency husband call rings in.  It's only been a half hour!  I am not answering.  More ringing.  OK!  I answer the phone.  My husband, as usual, has our crying baby on the line.  He then comes on, "Hurry home. You're needed!  They're conspiring against me."
Oh, so sweet!  He's thinking of me too.

I leisurely check out and actually return my cart to the corral.  I then head home, renewed for my mommy week to come.

Grateful Mom Goal of the Day: Today I'm taking time to appreciate life's, 
quickly passing, precious moments.

Social Family Experiment: FAILED!

This weekend, we lurked back into the social circuit, as a family.  We have no close family living near us and just haven't gotten out much since the birth of our fourth child--12 months ago!

It was a surprise 40th birthday party for a co-worker of my husband, given by his thoughtful wife.  Very sweet for them, an adventurous endeavor for us.

We arrive.

They live in a beautiful smaller house, with stairs leading to their basement from the living room, and--no gate!  My little dude, Dax, just couldn't resist.  That became his goal for the night.  I could just hear his baby wheels churning, "Must get to stairs!"

Then, party central (their small living room/kitchen area) was CRAMMED with people.  The snacks were on a kitchen island, surrounded by chairs!  My 2-year-old, Mase, noted this immediately and took action, darting for the first available chair in his path.   He had stuffed himself with numerous chocolate cookies before I wove my way over and attempted to cut him off.  He then started a new pastime--handing cookies to everyone else.  Is it impolite to leave before the party starts???

Finally, the the guest of honor pulls into the driveway.  Everyone was quickly quieted-EVERYONE!  And do you think the birthday boy came straight into the house?  Of course not!  It took five minutes of complete attempted silence before that happened.  The baby couldn't take it anymore and started crying.  Before I started crying too, I stuffed a cookie into his mouth!

THEN, Mase couldn't fathom why I would give the baby a cookie and deprive him, so, amid the complete silence, I hear my demanding and loud toddler say, "Dax gaw cookie.  I wun cookie."

 "Not right now." I whisper.
"I wun cookie." he persists.
"Shhh..just a minute...whisper please." 
"Wun cookie mommy"
I feel people glaring.
"Shhh"
"Cookie!"

I give him the cookie. He eats the cookie.  We're all still being muted, then, "Wun cookie, for Evie"  Ahhhh!
Five more handed-out cookies later, the birthday boy finally walks in the door.  No rush.  "Surprise!!!"  The theme of the party was old age/death and he looked like he wanted to die crawl under a rock.

For the next five minutes, my 5-year-old daughter, Evie, sat by the food, pleading for a HUGE Krispy Kreme doughnut.  I decided to be a nice mom, with limits, and finally gave her a whole doughnut, to share with her older sister.

Later, I spied the sisters, across the room, taking another huge Krispy Kreme--each!  But then, Mase! Really!?!  His Root Beer is now covering his chair and the floor.  And now, the baby!  Noooo! "Brett, grab him!" 

It was good to be social with the family, but we're going back under for another 12 months.

Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  Detox my over-sugared children. 

Faster than a Speeding Bullet! It's Toilet Baby!

Is there anyone else dealing with this?  My 12-month-old has one ultimate daily mission.  He must reach the object of his affection.  If he hears the slightest squeak from our bathroom door, he is off, like a guided splash-seeking missile, straight to the toilet.

To make matters worse, my children are rarely allowed to flush our defective toilet.  I know!  Crazy, right?  Oh, but after you cleaned up your fifth overflown toilet, you would understand.

Back to the baby--I really think he has issues.  Did I mention he's fast?  Here's some of the craftiness I'm up against:

• If someone's trying to shut the bathroom door, he fearlessly puts his hand up like a miniature superman and slams the door back open.  All the while, he keeps determinedly gliding straight towards his fun-filled goal. 

• He is no respecter of people sitting on the potty.  He'll just reach his little mitts around any object trying to block his way. 

• My guy doesn't care if there is anything in the bowl--he prefers floating objects.  

• He has a new favorite game--dropping all things into the toilet.  He attempted a cell phone drop just yesterday, but my husband rescued it, without a second to spare.

• Then, he will cry out in outrage if you dare to take him away from his rightful throne. 

Now I'm just impatiently waiting for this toilet fascination to pass so he can move on to a more interesting pastime, like whipping his messy diaper off to check out his latest deposit.  My (soon-to-be-potty-trained) 2-year-old is currently passing through that stage.  I'm sure he would appreciate an accomplice.

Grumpy Mom Goal of the Day:  Today I'll just be grateful for my, often smelly, but sweet, 
toilet-obsessed boy.

Wrongly Accused---The Broken Flower Injustice!

Having my oldest daughter turn 7 got me thinking about my own fun-filled 7-year-old days in small-town Iowa.  But, there was one unjust event that marred my 7th year.  That was the year of the wooden flowers:

One day, while I was certainly minding my own business, I heard of a garden tragedy.  Someone had broken my mother's wooden decorative flowers.  Who would do such a thing???  Apparently, me.

"Janae, we know you broke the flowers?" I hear my mother say.
"I didn't break the flowers."
"Tell us the truth.  Now."
"I didn't break the flowers!"

I was sent to my room, crying.  Later, my parents came up to chat.

"Janae, we love you, but you need to tell us the truth, or you're not getting dinner tonight."
"OK, I broke the flowers.  But not really!  If I tell you that, will I still get my dinner?"

That night, I did get my dinner.  I asked my mom, "Will you believe me when I'm 8?" 

Years later, I found out that my adult neighbor had told my mother she had actually seen, ME, break the flowers.

I'm guessing it might have been payback for always telling on her boys, who hung out with my older brother.

I am 35 now and I did NOT break those flowers.  I hope my parents believe me now.

little me:)

Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  I will be grateful I am not still 7.  

(All conversations are based on my childhood memory, which I'm certain is 100 percent accurate.)

A Spectacular Slippery Spectacle

I had a fantastic incident at my house yesterday!  I was in the bathroom, racing to put my daughter's hair up before her ride for dance class arrived.  Now, usually I throw on Sesame Street or some other kid video when I'm helping my older girls, (to keep my younger boys out of trouble) but this time was different.  I was going to be a good mom.  I was going to keep the TV off and let them play.

"I should really keep the TV off more often." I was thinking, when it happened.  A large clang reached my ears, followed by a thud and crying.  I ran out to my main room and saw quite the site.

The kitchen pantry door had been left open and my 1 and 2-year-old boys (Dax and Mase) had taken advantage of the situation.  Unfortunate for them, their stealth plan had gone awry.  Somehow, they had knocked down a full container of oatmeal and an almost full bottle of canola oil! 

I just couldn't get to them fast enough.  They both started slipping and sliding back and forth, like a couple of stooges, and then:  Thud!  Thwump!  As if on cue, their feet slide out from under them and they both fell backwards like dominoes.

I raced over to my two crying jesters.  The baby was now a large slick red potato.  I grabbed him first and gave him all of the love and comfort I could muster, at arms length.  Then I ran to the bathroom, stripped him down, then unloaded my slippery little man in the waterless tub.  I went back and grabbed my second stooge, though not before he had tracked oil through my kitchen and living room!

With both boys plopped in the tub, I filled it with a 1/2 inch of water and called my 7-year-old daughter to watch them for two minutes while I helped get Evie out the door. I then got the boys out of the tub, and guess what I did?  That's right, I threw on Sesame Street while I cleaned up the mess. (sigh)

Grumpy Mom Goal of the Day:  Move all oil to a higher shelf. 

The outfit of my slippery potato

This seemingly small mess took me 45 minutes clean up!

My wild bunch

My Oh So Needed Goals

Today, I'm going to shake things up a bit!  I'm getting a little crazy!  I need to make some changes so I'm starting here.  Just a couple of simple things really, but it's long overdue.

First, goal #1.  I need to be nicer.  That should be easy, right?  I think I've gotten out of the habit of being my normal darling sweet self.

 Each night at dinner we ask the children, "what have you done nice today?" This hasn't been entirely successful.  My oldest girl, Dani, will often scramble to give someone a hug before answering, "I gave a hug."  While my 2 year old, Mase, usually tells us about who he hit that day--but they'll get it eventually..I hope.

So, I'm going to set a better example for my family.  I'm going to start doing my additional nice thing for the day too.

On to Goal #2.  I'm a stay at home mom, who should probably get demoted, maybe even fired when it comes to keeping my home organized.  Baby #4 is not an excuse anymore.  Right now I would cringe at the thought of someone looking behind almost any closed door, cupboard or drawer.

So, I'm going to organize at least one thing a day (Sunday excluded).  I know truly organized people do much more, or maybe less, because they're so organized, but for now--baby steps.

  My plan is to stick with it for a year, but I'll start with a month and when I'm successful I'm having a celebration dinner (only for the organizing--I probably shouldn't get a reward for just being nice) with my husband at a restaurant of my choosing, within our budget.  I haven't mentioned this to my husband yet, but how could he not celebrate such an uncommon event.

Grateful Mom Goals:  #1. Do something nice for someone.  #2 Organize anything.

My husband--extra handsome as he unloads the dishwasher

Lost Boys, Extra Hugs, and the Rogue Red Crayon

I went searching for a little boy yesterday.  He was autistic and had wandered off after taking a tumbling class in the neighborhood.  I had even seen him as I was picking up my own daughter, but I assumed he lived nearby.

When I got home and heard he was missing I rushed my kids back into the car and started looking.  I drove with teary eyes and a prayer in my heart, hoping someone would find that little boy before it got much darker. My neighbor, shortly after, flagged me down to tell me he had been found.  He had walked about 6 blocks and was just standing on the sidewalk crying.

I also lost a little boy once--just last year.  He and his older brother had come over to play with my kids.  As the mom left she didn't click my gate shut and I didn't think to do it either.  The 3 year old was playing in my sandbox on the side of  my house.  The rest of the kids were playing on or around our trampoline just behind the house, not far away-it's a small yard.

 I ran inside to get a camera and was watching the kids jump for just a couple minutes.  The 3 year old was probably only a foot or two out of my view.  I went to check on him and he was gone, the gate pulled open.  I ran to the front yard, then to his yard next door.  I still couldn't find him.  I told his mom.  She was much more calm than I was, but visibly panicked and went to find him.  I started calling neighbors to help.

After what was a 15 minute eternity-- she found him!  He had gone on an adventure--wandering down the street about a block, then turned the corner and just kept happily walking.

When it was over, I felt so grateful, but terrible.  I had been careless. The mom was very gracious about the whole thing.  I stopped having play dates with 3 year old boys.

I know things like this happen too much and don't always end so happily.  Yesterday, once again, reminded me I need to be more aware of children in my neighborhood and continue to keep a close eye on my own.  Everyone got extra hugs at my house last night, except for my 2 year old, who pushed my hugs away then head butted me.

On a lighter, but still serious note, a single red crayon besieged a load of my clothes yesterday--the laundry may be ruined, but the crayon held up rather well I think.

rogue red crayon

Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  Make today special for my family.

Three Simple Joys of My Life

#1 Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?  I'm sitting in my living room right now--my six year old daughter is fixing my hair.  OK, she is not the most gentle and my hair looks like a bird's nest when she is done, but I love it!  I love anyone above two fixing my hair for that matter.  I wonder if all of those celebrities get tired of someone fixing their hair EVERYDAY!  I can only dream of how marvelous that would be.  For now, I will just enjoy the time with my six year old.

#2 This one might seem a little weird, but I am absolutely fascinated to watch people wrap presents. I could watch for hours--really.  Let me first say,  I don't like to wrap presents myself, and when I do, it is usually a rushed and sloppy job.   So, let me clarify, I don't like to watch people wrap presents like I wrap presents, I like watching those really meticulous people who fold every crease just perfect and use just the right amount of tape.  Amazing!  Is that learned or does it come naturally?  Oh, the mysteries!


#3 Now here's something any mom could appreciate.  I love early morning alone time in my bedroom.  I can't say this happens regularly, but I have a really wonderful husband that made this magic time happen just this morning.  He watches all the kids (who wake up at the crack of dawn!)  and I lay in my bed, sometimes sleeping, or meditating or praying, just having some minutes of complete peace, comfort, and contemplation.  Ahhhh...

Grateful Mom Goal of the Day: Take a few minutes for meditation.

As for me: Reward my husband with a shoulder massage.

Gratitude Check

I'm thinking it may be time for me to do a gratitude check.  So here it is, the top three things I am grateful for today:


#1 FAMILY--doesn't that always have to be on the list--my life would be infinitely more peaceful without all the fighting, screaming, hitting, pinching, name-calling, but then it would be utterly incomplete without all of the giggles, games, silliness, cuddles, kisses and "love yous."  And hats off to all single mothers--I would NEVER want to do it alone.



  #2 HOME--more importantly this morning I'm grateful for our toasty warm home.  In our battle over the thermostat I think my husband has conceded, at least for now.   I've also been thinking a lot lately about those who came before us and those who struggle now just to keep their children warm and fed.  How grateful I am to be so blessed.

And last but not least, #3 SNACKS!-for me it's all about frozen yogurt, cereal (did I really have 2 bowls of Cookie Crisp after dinner last night!?!) I love red delicious apples with cheese, and chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!!!  It's amazing how a good snack can really get me through a rough day--it is much cheaper than therapy.

Grateful Mom Goal of the Day: Stick to healthier snacks, at least for the day.

As for me: Eat less Cookie Crisp