Precarious Pious Predicaments

Our church starts at 11 a.m.  You'd assume that would give us plenty of time to get ready.  Wrong!  Yesterday, it was still a wacky race out the door! 

The minute we arrived at church, I left my family to drop off a bag in a closet, down the hall.   When I met up with my husband in the chapel, the meeting was starting and my two older girls were missing!  They had gone searching for me.  Then I went searching for them.  After we all got back, as usual, I was chasing and unsuccessfully attempting to entertain my one-year-old, Dax. 

About fifteen minutes into the meeting--that's when I remembered!  I immediately felt the back of my dress.  Oh no!  I had forgotten to zip my dress.  A quick plea to my husband solved my problem, though he chuckled as he zipped and made a "witty" comment.

To my relief, I had randomly decided to put a shirt on under my dress.  Here's my unzipped look.  It could have been MUCH worse.

My biggest grumble about this?  Couldn't anyone have said something before I showed off my unzipped self to half of the congregation!?!

Still, this is minor compared to last year's church predicament.  My then two-year-old, Mase, kept messing with my swishing skirt as I was talking to someone in the hall.  Afterward, I walked Mase to his nursery class and happily dropped him off.   I spoke to one of his male nursery teachers before I left, then passed a couple men in the hall and said, "Hi."

 That's when I felt something was off.  Whoa!  Mase had somehow hooked the front bottom edge of my skirt to the top elastic of my skirt.  I was wearing tights underneath, but my tights had a hole in a very precarious position!  No photo reenactment for this story.  I can feel myself cringing as I write.

On a positive church humiliation note: You may remember that large spoon my husband accidentally stole from a Christmas church potluck in 2009.  I am guilt free!  I returned it!  Yesterday, I boldly announced my husband's spoon theft in a church women's meeting.  Sadly, no one spoke up for that beauty of a spoon.

I ended up leaving it in the church kitchen among a hundred other serving spoons, where it will be so unappreciated.  I may steal in back if it's still there in a few months.  

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Next Sunday: Attempting to be predicament-free.

Church Edification

It's...interesting...taking my four young children to church.  I always notice these families with perfectly behaved kids.  They are mysterious to me.  We are not one of those families.

And now, a glimpse at this past Sunday's experience:

Part 1: The Escape Artists
We were running late and lost out on our cushy benches.  Drat!  My one-year-old (Dax) was elated--there was so much more aisle space between the folding chairs!  He set his sights on an aisle breakout. I attempted to sidetrack him and broke out my suitcase-sized kid bag, but still, no toy, no snack,could deter him from his goal. 

After ten tiring minutes of my seven-year-old daughter (Dani) and me fetching my wandering dude, I glanced over at my husband.  He's asleep!   I have no words.  I kicked him and took Dax in the hall.  Mase followed, then decided he missed Daddy.  He went back in.  He came out.  In. Out.  I tried to hold him.  He wriggled away and went back in.  And out.

Part 2: Trickery
I had decided we all needed to go back in when Mase announced to me, and the other families in the hall, "I need to go potty."  Ha!  I wasn't falling for this old trick.

"You do not."

"I need to go POO-POO!!!!"  he growls.

"Shhhh...all right!"

After arriving in the restroom, Mase points to the toilet and proclaims, "Oh look Mom, I go poo-poo."

"You didn't even sit on the toilet Buddy."

He smiles.

We attempted to go back in the chapel and it wasn't pretty...let me jump ahead.  We all ended up, in a room in the hall.  The whole family! 

Part 3: The Tearful Finale
My husband takes the two girls back in.  Mase follows and decides to play with the door.  Dani's finger gets smashed in the door.  Really bloody, painfully, smashed.  She and the rest of our posse are back in our hallway room.  Dani is crying and screaming loudly and can't stop. "It hurts!  Ow!  It hur-ur-ur-urts!!!!"

My band-aid and magical hug were no help.  She is still a sorry (loud and crying) case.  Dax suddenly starts crying too, inconsolably.


I asked my husband to take me and the criers home!  On our way out Mase gets angry because he didn't get to open the door all by himself and...starts crying.  I'm surprised Evie didn't join in.  I considered it.

Just another day at church.

Only the middle finger got smashed.  Her other finger got stuck in her bike kickstand the day before.

Grumpy Mom Goal of the week:  Come up with some new Sunday strategies.