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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Cellulite, Swimsuits, and Insecurities

Does anyone else still have their baby cellulite?  You know, the cellulite you had as a cute chubby bundle of joy that just NEVER went away!?!  No one has to answer that.

I'm not even complaining about my lovely ripples today, rather I'm wanting to change my perception of them.  I see those women, many of you, who are just...how do I say it--out there!  Not hanging out there, just confident with your body.

And I'm not overweight right now, so I really shouldn't be complaining, but I think I will anyhow.

Warning! Warning!

I must give a warning for this next story.  If you continue to read you should be prepared for a conversation that makes me look extremely insecure, naive and little stupid,--you have been warned. And let me remind you this was 9 years ago!  On with the story:

I was and am an active LDS girl, which means, no "relations" before the wedding night.  My husband and I had been friends for two years before we got married and had been dating for several months when we got engaged. But, as our wedding date quickly approached, there was something very somber we needed to talk about--something that had me deeply concerned.

So, we drove into the mountains and stopped at an unpopulated trail head.  A few minutes down the path we had a seat on some rocks--it was time.  "Okay, you love me right?"  "Unconditionally?"  "OK,"  My future husband stared at me, mystified, with a very worried look on his face. "Here goes"  I said, "I hope you really love me, but you're going to find out sooner or later." I stalled...then finally. "I have cellulite" I blurted out.  "Oh" he said.  "That was what all of this was about, you had me so worried that is was something serious."  My husband's really not so bad.

These days, I try to portray confidence, especially around my children, but, once again, my insecurities reared their ugly head this past year:

My mom was visiting shortly after I had Dax and she was determined to take the kids swimming-with me!  My swimsuit didn't fit--more importantly my swim shorts didn't fit--nothing fit! So, I headed out in search of a suit and quickly settled on this amazing tangerine contraption, complete with swim skirt--it looked decent enough in the store mirror.

Off to the pool we set, but I soon realized the error of my ways.  Not only did I look like an adult sized tangerine, my seemingly fabulous swim skirt kept floating up--revealing my cellulite legs to anyone with a set of goggles.  I could just feel all of those eyes mocking my pasty white rippling legs.  Even after nine years of body image progress--still?

Now --I don't want any emails saying I'm being ridiculous--I know I'm ridiculous!  Where does this current perception of my need to have perfect legs come from?--OK, I admit it!  I've been watching the Bachelor!--I'm not proud.  I truthfully fast forward through all of the steamy scenes, but I love that he's searching for his wife--very sweet--and the drama--it's the best. Still, I am ashamed of watching this waste of time show and have told no one until now--except for my husband, who, gratefully, doesn't watch it with me--but I digress.

I think they need to put more "normal" women on the Bachelor and all shows for that matter, and magazines, billboards--the list goes on.  And, would the bachelor even consider the normals, with all of the non-cellulited seemingly perfect looking women thrown in his path! And, would anyone watch?  I'm thinking I know the answer to that.  I'm not bitter.

To all of you women who are-"out there", that don't care about cellulite--I am in awe and admiration. My goal is to be that person.  I'm not saying I want to flaunt my cellulite, just have acceptance from myself, acceptance of all flaws. 

But...for now...I will be buying a new pair of swim shorts and will be keeping my beautiful ripples covered.

(No pictures today, sorry to disappoint.)

Grumpy Mom Goals of the Day:  Tell my girls how beautiful they are, inside and out.  Stop watching the Bachelor.

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10 Comments:

At February 9, 2011 at 2:20 PM , Blogger MeLi said...

Ok, I'm with you here...I feel that no matter how perfect we may be to others, we never seem to grasp that ourselves..maybe our standards are very high, and we want nothing less than the media perfection of models....being accepting with ourselves is good, but also being a big judgemental keeps us at bay, so we keep exercising, dressing cute and taking care of ourselves, not only for our hubbies but for us...who are the ones that critique us on a constant basis...Just look around you and see your loving family, how they depend on you, and love you without even thinking about your "ripples"...ps...most people aren't paying attention either..it really is all in our head...but just so u know...I'm the same way.. lol
Meli

 
At February 9, 2011 at 5:52 PM , Blogger claudia b said...

I have my baby, kid, teenage, young adult, woman, and mom cellulite, and I am sure I will also have my crone cellulite when I am old enough. My husband tells me that my boobs are so awesome no one would ever notice anything else. Yay me! :D

 
At February 9, 2011 at 5:58 PM , Blogger GrumpyGratefulMom said...

Unfortunately for me Claudia--I am flat chested:)

 
At February 9, 2011 at 6:28 PM , Blogger Belle Dufay said...

I'm flat chested too!! LOL
I have always dealt with self confidence issues because I've always been underweight, I had some counselling through middle school that really helped. I don't really care anymore and I'm a lot more comfortable in swimsuits!

 
At February 9, 2011 at 6:55 PM , Blogger I Am Not Superwoman said...

We are our own worse critics! You won't dare find me in a swimsuit anytime soon. At least you were brave enough to get into a bathing suit shortly after giving birth. Kudos for that!

 
At February 9, 2011 at 8:43 PM , Blogger jordan @ mean mommy academy said...

Ok- this post made me laugh!!! I want to throw out a huge AMEN!!
And I think I may have your leg's long-lost twins... ;)
Love this post- love your writing!

 
At February 10, 2011 at 2:48 AM , OpenID reflectionsfromaredhead.com said...

I love your post. Coming from me - who has never had kids - I had stretch marks from when I was a teenager (even though every guy I've ever met has told me that I couldn't possibly have stretch marks as I haven't had kids!). And yes - the dreaded C! I'm heartened to hear others are just as paranoid as me.

 
At February 10, 2011 at 5:00 AM , Blogger Lisa said...

Thanks for following my blog. I love the name of your blog. It had me smiling even before the page loaded. This post had me smiling even more.

I was the girl everyone hated, the one without cellulite. I was stick thin and had no curves even after having two children. Then 10 years ago I had a hysterectomy. Suddenly I went from being unable to gain weight my whole life to gaining at an alarming rate. I still haven't adjusted to the cellulite. I learned my lesson about those cute little swim skirts. They always float up when you get in the water! I don't swim often but when I do I wear black swim shorts with my suit. (Of course, the black accentuates my snowy white legs but thats another complaint.)

 
At February 10, 2011 at 9:50 AM , Blogger Hajra said...

I have always been a "healthy" girl and no matter how much I diet and exercise, it takes to long to lose the extra handles and get the oh so wonderful body! But I have a broad built and a good height so it pretty much compensates the whole!

Love your blog!

 
At February 10, 2011 at 1:36 PM , Blogger Donna said...

This is such an honest post and one that so many women can relate to. I like how you write sincerely and honestly. And your comment up there cracks me up! That's me, too!

 

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