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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What have I become?!?

So I just lost my temper with my 6 year old--again.

I feel very defeated--does anyone else feel like they USED to be a good mom.

Things started out so promising--a great husband (my best friend), pregnant with our first child, so sick and scared, but excited for the possibilities.

When my now 6 year old was born I expected things to be magical, that we would instantly bond, and stare into each others eyes for hours...non-stop cuddles and smiles. But, I'm embarrassed to say, things just didn't go that way.

After birth L felt like a foreign object in my arms, a stranger. And she was not a happy baby--cried most of the time, and did not like to be cuddled-ever!

Still, I persisted my good mom ways-I never even looked at her without smiling!   (I did eventually "bond" with her and life did get easier after the 6 month mark.)

To jump ahead a little, 3 kids later, I have slowly progressed from a mom with the best intentions, to a mom who is grumpy and constantly getting after my kids, not to mention my poor husband!



 So, this morning was one of my worst moments--a battle while getting my first grader ready for school, she took off her shoes right before it was time to go!!! That's a little thing right--the shoes--I know it didn't deserve three exclamation points, but that's how I felt. It was the final straw to a stress full morning.

I use to always wonder how those yelling mothers you see on TV go that way--now I know!   For the record, I did not yell, but I used a stern, very loud, very mean sounding voice--I may as well have been yelling.

Did I mention my house is a mess? I think that really adds to the my stressful mood over all. I am not the person I want to be! I am so disappointed in myself! I'm guessing my husband is thinking, "what did I marry?" I need to get myself together.

Anyhow, I'm not all bad, I've been trying to be silly with my kids more often, read them more books--we even made pudding fingerpaints this week.  I just feel I'm seriously messing up in many areas and not being the person I want to be and know I can be.

Vowing to be better today--after breakfast, I need a cereal fix



 Grumpy Mom Goal of the Day: Stop reacting, and keep your cool.
As for me: I will practice patience with my 6 year old. 

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posted by Grumpy Grateful Mom @ Wednesday, January 26, 2011   0 Comments

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